


The Playwright's Fool

by KlonoaDreams



Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst and Humor, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Eventual Drama, Gen, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, Hijinks & Shenanigans, References to Shakespeare, Self-Insert, obviously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-02-26 01:57:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18714184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlonoaDreams/pseuds/KlonoaDreams
Summary: It all starts when a NEET summons the most eccentric Caster in existence. Now the whole world's his stage and she's just there for the ride. SI OC





	1. As You Like It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KlonoaDreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlonoaDreams/gifts).



> So my twenty-fourth birthday was like two days ago and I wanted to do something for that, so have a very self-indulgent fic, because that’s what this is!
> 
> It started out with a typo in the NicoB discord chat that I got waaay too invested in and after being encouraged by my girlfriend, **Lyrecho** , who I’ve been consulting for help, alongside friends **Navi** , **Alicitzen** , **Nagi** , **Benven** , and more (basically, the typical Bread and Bitter discord crew), I decided to go through it. Have fun with whatever shenanigans come out of _this_ fic!
> 
> Also, full disclosure: I know next to nothing about the original _Fate/Stay Night_ visual novel (KEYWORD: THE ORIGINAL VISUAL NOVEL), apart from the Unlimited Blade Works anime adaptation, _Fate/Zero_ , and whatever bits and pieces I managed to hear from friends ( **Lyrecho** especially), so like…keep that in mind.
> 
> Also, I’m like a filthy casual when it comes to Nasuverse lore, so no bully, please…
> 
>  
> 
> **Disclaimer for the entire story: I don’t own _Fate/Stay Night_ or anything related to the _Fate_ series!**

Wake up. Eat breakfast. Go to school.

Those are the three things I do for the most part on a weekly basis. Sometimes I have trouble getting up. Other times, I skip breakfast. And depending on my class schedule, I skip class too.

Today is not one of those days, so when I woke up, I was already heading towards the kitchen with the intent of eating breakfast. I’m not a fan of skipping meals, especially since it means that my medication will slap me in the gut in ways that don’t exactly feel good for me if I take them without food.

_I picked up my prescription the other day, right?_

It’s too early to think about this shit, so I just pushed _aaaaaallllll_ those thoughts aside and continued going on my way, only…

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!”

_BAM!_

I don’t remember my house _ever_ having stairs.

_Thud, thud, thud, **thud**!!_

_BAM!_

“Where am I?” Seriously, _where_ am I? I stared up at the ceiling, feeling somewhat dazed and mostly awake. This isn’t my house—my house was on ground-level. What the _fuck_ is this place?!

I sat up, wincing in pain when the back of my head began to throb. My body was sore, but otherwise, I don’t _think_ anything is broken… Although, now that I actually **look** at myself, I don’t even think this is my body to begin with.

Most noticeably, I’m missing some scars on my left arm and leg. I’m a lot slimmer than I’m supposed to be, which is not so bad, but the fact that this isn’t my body is leaving me feeling especially conflicted. Not to mention, the owner of this body has a thing for expensive-looking sleepwear that I know I’m too poor to afford.

**_Duuuude_ ** _—what even **is** this fabric?!_

Forget that—just who am I?! “What kind of isekai bullshit is this?!”

It certainly feels like the start of some sort of villainess reincarnation bullshit (right down to the expensive-looking clothes)—do I have to avoid destruction flags from here on out now? Is that it? Man, I _knew_ all those isekai I read were gonna bite me in the ass eventually…

_I just didn’t think it’d be like this…_

It could be worse, I tried to tell myself. I exhaled shakily, pushing aside all thoughts that were pointing me at having an anxiety attack so early in the morning. I needed to stay calm—calm, calm, calm! We need…to focus.

_FOCUS!_

_Growl._

_Focus on food—a distraction!_

Food is good, though… “Where is the kitchen?”

Should I…should I look around? Am I supposed to be here?

Soul-wise, I don’t think so, but…physically—it _should_ be okay…

“Right?” I asked no one in particular.

…

…

Oh god, I’m losing it. You know what—maybe I should just leave…riiiiight after I eat.

_Gotta find the kitchen first!_

Surprisingly, it didn’t take me that long to find the kitchen. I had to make my way through a massive dining room and an extremely fancy living room, but I found it. Much like the rooms before it, the kitchen was completely empty. It was also really clean—like _too_ clean.

_Do people even live here?_

It really doesn’t look like anyone, besides the owner of this body, lives here. That would explain why no one came out to investigate the noise I made after I fell down the stairs…

_Or maybe I’m just that insignificant of a person…_

…

Note to self: This body might have some pre-existing issues. I can already feel them seeping into my own issues, which suddenly seem so insignificant in comparison. _Wow_ , this person is in need of some serious therapy!

_Or at least someone to vent these frustrations to…_

I don’t feel comfortable, because just what does that make of them?

_What does that make of **me**?_

I honestly don’t know, but I just hope it isn’t permanent. Otherwise, will I ever go back to my old body?

_I still don’t know where I am…_

I’m surprised I’m not freaking out about it. Then again, my brain won’t stop staring at the fridge, so I’ll just go and raid it for some food—and there’s nothing.

“Huh.” You’d think there’d be a least a carton of milk or some shit, but it’s completely empty.

_Weird._

Especially since the trash bin isn’t empty—it’s like overflowing with empty food containers.

_Someone likes their instant ramen and convenience store food…_

Either that, or I’ve landed into the body of a socially-dead college student who’s living on their own…

_Wow, so this could’ve been me._

I’m honestly relieved that I did a better job of living on my own when I was left home alone for a month after my parents left for Mexico to handle a family emergency… I mean, it _was_ only a month, but I at least kept the fridge full of food.

_And avoided instant ramen altogether._

Speaking of which, I wonder if I can find any in the cabinets… “Hmmm…”

It’s a long shot, but maybe there’s _something_ that I can eat…is that mahogany?!

_How fucking rich **are** these people?!_

Rich enough to have a cabinet full of fine china. “Woof.”

Okay, I’m closing that cabinet—I’m gonna forget I ever saw that. These people are worse than my sister, who I feel spends far too much money on a house that she’s barely living in because of work. Then again, at least she lives in it, unlike these people— _damn_.

_Is this someone’s summer home or what?_

Frankly, I don’t wanna know… I feel like I’ll just get even angrier. “Oh, hey—a cup of instant noodles.”

It’s not much, but to my growling stomach, it’s something. Guess I’ll heat up some water…

…

Minutes later, I was slurping down the noodles, not really slowing down enough to savor the flavor. Some part of me couldn’t bring myself to care about it. Another part of me just wanted to get out of the house as soon as possible.

So the instant I finished eating, I slammed dunk the empty container into the trash bin and started making my way out of the house. I barely made it out the front door before a wave of anxiety crashed into me like a fucking truck.

My body wouldn’t stop shaking, and my chest kept growing tighter and tighter. My breathing grew erratic as I struggled to get enough air into my lungs. My stomach wouldn’t stop churning, bile practically burning in the back of my throat. I collapsed onto the ground, vomiting all over the pavement.

My vision grew blurry with tears, beads of sweat soon rolling down the sides of my face. I heaved again and again and again, but nothing else came out. It hurt _so_ much…

_Hurts, hurts, hurts, **hurts** …_

A scream tore itself out of my throat. It sounded raw and almost wild. My hands tugged down harshly on my hair, my body slowly curling in on itself until I was in a fetal position. I scream again and again and again, unable to ignore the overwhelming fear that washed over me as the world before me fell apart.

_Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop—Stopstopstopstop **stopSTOPSTOPSTOP**!_

My voice cracked under the intensity of my own screams. I kept screaming and screaming, until I finally couldn’t. Loud, heaving sobs soon wracked my body. I could barely make out my surroundings by this point. Everything was growing darker and darker…

And then I woke up.

_Huh?_

I was back in bed, which made me wonder very briefly if everything that had happened was all just a dream…

_It’s not._

A quick look around my room revealed that it wasn’t my room—it’s too big to be my room. The bed isn’t anywhere near close to a wall and I’m pretty sure this is too big to be considered queen-sized…

“Are you feeling better, Master?” Who the _fuck_ —?!

_HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?!?!_

I nearly screamed at the sight of middle-aged gentleman sitting by the bedside, just staring at me for reasons I didn’t even know. He was foppishly dressed in refined, medieval-esque clothing that was mainly green in coloration. He had an orange-colored book in his hands, which he was in the middle of reading before I had caught his attention.

“I must admit that I was not expecting you to leave on your own.” He chuckled to himself as he snapped his book shut. “Though, that could just be an unintended side-effect…”

“Side-effect to what?” Just who the hell are you?! And _why_ do you look so familiar?! “Are…are you my butler?”

_Is your name Sebastian or some other clichéd butler name?_

I’m trying to keep my cool with some humor, but I don’t think it’s working well…

The gentleman in green paused for a moment to think…then he spoke, “Just to confirm—you don’t remember who I am, yes?”

“Listen—I don’t even know who I am.” Nor _where_ I am.

_Is it even 2019?!_

Oh god—I didn’t even consider _that_! “What year is it?!”

And I totally asked that question, despite the risk of being seen as a total dumbass.

_Which is honestly fair…_

I might be book smart, but that’s about it. Everything else is up for debate and for the most part, I’m not exactly the first person that people go to for advice. I’m a person full of regrets and the worst sense of financial responsibility.

_Though, that could just be the gacha addiction…_

Considering last night’s _excellent_ decision to spend birthday money to summon an _incredibly_ horny nun…

_Local nun vores world…_

I will _never_ unsee that message…and now that I actually think about it, I feel like something is starting to click…

_Think, think, think, **think**!_

Green medieval-looking clothes, orangish-brown hair with a neat beard and mustache… _where_ have I see that before?

_Move past the nun—move past the nun!_

We can think about her boobs later when I get some answers!

_Wait…Hans Christian Andersen!_

The little guy who keeps roasting the nun—he hangs out with this dude!

**_That’s_ ** _where I’ve seen him before!_

“Oh my god—you’re William Shakespeare!” _Why_ is this dude from my gacha game _here_?!

_This isn’t Chaldea, dammit!_

A part of me was hoping that I was wrong, but the dude didn’t even try to deny it. Instead, he just laughed, finding it especially amusing at how I was pointing at him.

_Oh god, the Ghost of Christmas Past is standing right across from me…_

Memories of high school English classes flood my head as I recall the number of times that I had to look things up on SparkNotes so that I could understand what it was that I was reading out of _Romeo and Juliet_ , _Macbeth_ , and _King Lear_.

_I faintly remember some **Hamlet** , but I can’t be too sure how much of it was just **The Lion King** and jokes off the internet…_

I remember other things, too, but not as much as what I remember from high school… Dear god, I remember so much out of high school, even though I’m like six years into a college education.

_Clap! Clap! Clap!_

“As expected from someone who owns a considerable number of my works in their library!” Shakespeare smiled at me, feeling especially proud that I had recognized him. “Though, I doubt that isn’t at all related to your current situation, as you are not the same person who summoned me last night. I don’t suppose you know what is going on, yes?”

“Uhhhhh…” Do you even _have_ to ask?

“Then we are beyond simple side-effects…” Shakespeare furrowed his brow. “While this may put us at a disadvantage, I do suppose that this could make for a far more interesting Holy Grail War.”

_Oh **noooo** …_

You gotta be fucking kidding me—are you telling me that the owner of this body got into a Holy Grail War with the world’s most eccentric Caster?!

_Wait…_

“You’re a Caster—right?!” I have to make sure. I can’t afford to make any mistakes right now.

“You are correct!” Shakespeare smiled at me, which only made me feel even more anxious. “And to answer an earlier question of yours, according to what I read in a few letters that were left around in the library, I believe the year is 2004.”

Aww man—not only did I body-hop, but I also time-traveled fifteen years into the past! “Wait…2004…”

_Oh no…_

That’s…That’s not a good year. “Nononono—this can’t be happening to me…”

That means this isn’t _Fate/Grand Order_ , which was already _obvious_ from the fact I’m not in Chaldea with my lovely kouhai, Mash. At the very least, I don’t have to worry about being entrusted to save humanity. The downside is I know jackshit about anything that could be set in the original _Fate/Stay Night_ visual novel.

_All I have is **Unlimited Blade Works** and **Fate/Zero** anime adaptations under my belt, and a whole lot of memes that mean **nothing** to me in this setting…_

“This is my life now, isn’t it?” I asked Shakespeare, who just nodded his head with a smile on his face as he scribbled down a few things onto an empty page in his book. “Please tell me you’re not planning on turning my life into a tragedy…”

“As tempting as that is, I’m afraid your life is already one,” Shakespeare remarked as he turned back a few pages in his book. “Fujisaki Nao, age twenty-one, living completely on her own after being orphaned at the age of eighteen. No friends, no relatives—just a maid that visits every few weeks or so to maintain this mansion’s cleanliness. Quite the lonely life, wouldn’t you say?”

“Wow, that’s just… _sad_.” Though, that _does_ explain why the place is so empty, and also how it’s managed to stay clean despite that… “Nao…so _that’s_ my name.”

“It is that, yes…though I suppose that you _aren’t_ the Nao who summoned me last night.” Shakespeare looked up from his book. A smile crossed his face as he stared at me. “Which would mean that her life is far different from yours, yes?”

“I…guess?” It’s not like it matters to anyone except maybe the original owner of this body, who seems to be MIA at the moment. “Why do you care?”

It really only dawns on me that I should have been more careful when answering Shakespeare’s question—because that only seem to spur him on as he snapped his book shit and held out his arms like some dramatic actor on a stage. “Tempt not a desperate man, for the reaction you receive may exceed your expectations!”

_I walked right into that one—didn’t I?_

Shakespeare’s body shook with laughter, his expression that of absolute joy. He laughed and laughed, blissfully unaware of the fear he just struck into my soul as I suddenly recalled a voiced line of his in _Fate/Grand Order_.

**_“My hopes for the Holy Grail? I would wish for a more exciting world!”_ **

This is a man who is willing to do anything for an interesting story.

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players,” Shakespeare began, his gaze focused entirely on me. “They have their exits and their entrances… And one man in his time plays many parts. Let’s see what your part will be in this story of ours.”

_I’m gonna die a brutal death, aren’t I?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like as I mentioned before, I just recently turned twenty-four! Yeah!! I’ve been doing great, got a girlfriend during the past few months where I posted nothing up—by the by, shout out to **MirrorMystic** , because it’s all thanks to him that **Lyrecho** and I had the discussion that basically led to us deciding to date. I don’t know where this relationship will take us, but I know that regardless of the outcome, I’ll appreciate the memories we make!! ^^
> 
> Anyways, that’s enough of me being hella gay for the gf, so…like… I’ll be playing the visual novel as I write this fic, just so I can **finally** get that out of the way, and I’ll be dragging my friends into whatever mess comes out of that over discord, which I’ll record and depending on how things go (and by that, I mean eventually), I’ll upload the videos on YouTube, so…ayyy, keep an eye out for that!
> 
> Also, if anyone is wondering about the whole situation with the horny nun, I basically used birthday money to do some pulls for Kiara on FGO and managed to get her on with the last of my Saint Quartz. Like many other people, I’ve been suffering through CCC event farming and like not too long ago, I did the Kiara fight with 0 KP because I couldn’t be fucking bothered to farm for enough KP to nerf her, so I just went in like that and spent four hours just staring at her tits while fighting her with Mash, Merlin, and a support Nightingale.
> 
> It was hell, but I managed, though the downside was that even after I finished the fight, I STILL didn’t have enough KP to purchase the first thing to nerf her. So yeah… _that_ happened.
> 
> Moving on, I still won’t go into discussion on what exactly the typo was just yet, but it _does_ start with Shakespeare and he’s pretty much the start of what will be a certain trend that you’ll see in the upcoming chapters when it comes to this particular Holy Grail War. So as you can already see, we’re already in AU territory.
> 
> Anyways, a bit of insight on the SI of this story, Fujisaki Nao, the name itself just happens to be a typo of the name Noa, and it’s honestly common in the reviews I get for my story. I’m not mad, I just think it fits in this story that was conceived out of a typo to begin with. Many thanks to **Lyrecho** for that suggestion!
> 
> So that’s all I have for now, I hope that you guys enjoyed the chapter so far, because I certainly did!
> 
> Until next time, everyone!


	2. The Playwright's Folly

All that Shakespeare wanted to do was fix some of his Master’s unfavorable traits. He didn’t think that his meddling would actually wipe out her memories. And from the way she’s been acting, she might as well be a completely different person…

_“At least now she is someone worth calling a stagehand.”_ The nervous wreck that had summoned him last night was incapable of uttering a single word to him before running out of the library to hide in some obscure location. Shakespeare considers himself fortunate that she went just about _everywhere_ except outside in her attempts to avoid him.

It took him some time, but he finally managed to corner her underneath the dining room table. Although, it was more that she fell asleep and he just so happened to look under the tablecloth at that very moment…after he took his time investigating his new surroundings. Regardless of the details, he found her…and then promptly took her to her room.

Their circumstances could have certainly been better, but Shakespeare supposes that he wouldn’t have it any other way. Although, if he had any complaints, it would be that his Master wasn’t in any state to participate in a Holy Grail War. Fortunately, that no longer seemed to be the case, since Nao is actually _talking_ to him.

Compared to being ignored and having her hide from him, Shakespeare considers this an improvement. Although, when he catches her staring at him in complete silence, he begins to worry that some of her unfavorable traits might have resurfaced. That’s when she suddenly grabs the nearest pillow off her bed and buries her face right into it, effectively muffling the screams that leave her mouth. She screams and screams, sounding especially exasperated and maybe even horrified.

_“Good!”_ Shakespeare smiles, thinking to himself that he is especially fortunate to have such an expressive Master. He willingly ignores the idea that she might have some other underlying issues that could prove to be future inconveniences—he’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it.

For now…

“WHyyyyyyy?!??!!” Nao lets out another muffled scream before removing the pillow from her face and throwing it across the room. She watches in complete annoyance as it slams against the wall, sending out a flurry of white feathers. “Do I _want_ to know what kind of money was used to buy that feather pillow?!”

“You are quite wealthy, yes.” Maybe Shakespeare could convince her to buy him some props…

_Growl._

“And also quite famished—my, that was loud.” When was the last time she ate? “You ought to do something about that.”

“I did, but…” Nao averts her gaze. “Ummm…”

“Say no more—I think I know exactly what you are talking about.” That does explain the mess he saw on the ground. “Consider yourself lucky that I came across your unconscious body before you had a chance to sully your clothes. You were quite close to that mess you made, after all…”

“Good to know.” Nao pinches the bridge of her nose. “Can you just…leave me alone for a bit? I need some time to myself.”

“Not until you eat.” Shakespeare knows better than to leave such a mess of a person alone. After all, that’s how some of his characters died… _“I…should keep a better eye on her.”_

He should probably start now—while she’s within his sight and not hiding from him.

“There’s nothing to eat.” Nao huffs loudly in annoyance.

“Guess I’m not leaving then.” Shakespeare smiles widely, ignoring the shocked look on his Master’s face.

“Fiiiiine!” Nao throws her arms into the air. “You win—guess we got to go shopping. Woo…”

“Is something wrong?” Shakespeare tilts his head to the side in question. “You sound unenthused.”

“I have no idea where to even start.” Nao clutches her head in her hands. “Like—where do I even go? What time is it, anyways?”

“It’s half past noon—you were out for a few hours,” Shakespeare replies. “Thankfully, you hadn’t been outside for that long before I found you. You really should think twice about your attire before going outside in such cold weather.”

Shakespeare isn’t one to judge, but when his Master makes such foolish decisions…he might as well. He directs her attention to her somewhat skimpy attire, hoping that she takes note of her exposed arms, legs, and stomach.

“Uhhh…” Nao’s eyes widen. “Riiiight… _that’s_ a thing. How…How…? I…I guess I was being a bit too hasty?”

“Too hasty is right.” Dying such an early, anticlimactic death would bring an unsatisfactory end to this story of theirs. “Try not to die so soon, Master.”

_Woosh!_

That earns him a pillow that flies past him, crashing into wall right behind him. “A little more to the left.”

“Man, fuck you.” Nao sticks her tongue out at him.

…

…

* * *

You know, it’s a lot more awkward changing out of your clothes when you’re not in your own body, _especially_ when you’ve just realized that you’re only wearing a camisole top with shorts. While it’s not sexy lingerie, I doubt it’s any less appropriate for outside wear— _especially_ if the weather is as cold as Shakespeare was making it out to be.

_Nice one, dumbass!_

I should not be allowed to make any decisions without consulting someone. Although, in my defense, I lived in southern California, it was May, and I had no idea that I got shoved into a fucking visual novel that I never played because I focused too much on otome games and _Danganronpa_.

_God, was the **Danganronpa** worth it?_

My Naegi and Nanami cosplays say it was, as does the copy of _Daganronpa 2_ that I got signed at a con…but seeing as I no longer physically own these things…

_Not to mention, it’s like 2004—the series doesn’t even fucking exist right now!_

I guess it wasn’t… “I should’ve just checked out the manga myself when I had the chance…”

I’m really starting to regret ever relying on one friend to check out manga from the public library when I had a library card of my own… Had I taken the actual initiative, _maaaaybe_ I would’ve had a better grasp at whatever hell I’ve been thrown into…

_I honestly doubt it._

There’s like three routes, and none of them have Shakespeare as a Caster. We’re _beyond_ having any knowledge that could possibly save us when just being here is already fucking up the plot.

_If Medea isn’t here, that means her Master isn’t dead._

And if Medea’s Master isn’t dead, then who the fuck is he going to summon?!

_Holy shit—what about Assassin?!_

I…should stop thinking about things right now, before my anxiety reaches an all-time high and I break down. “Clothes—just focus on clothes… Oh god, they’re everywhere.”

I threw out almost everything that was inside a massive wardrobe in an attempt to look for something that wasn’t so eye-catching. It’s kind of hard when a lot of what was inside is brand-new clothing with the tags still on it.

As for the clothes that _didn’t_ have its tags on them… They seemed to have been neatly organized into sets of outfits in a drawer within this wardrobe.

“This looks like the shit that Salter wore in Shinjuku…” Which is by no means a bad outfit, but…wait a fucking second— “Holy shit, it _is_ the same outfit!”

Hot damn—of all the things I was expecting, _this_ sure wasn’t it. It’s a nice change of pace from the skirts and dresses I’ve thrown onto the bed, though…a pair of pants would be nice.

_Especially if it’s supposed to be cold…_

I’m guessing that the original Fujisaki Nao was the type to wear tights with her outfits in the winter…which is absolutely fine on its own, but it doesn’t leave me with many options. This body has its share of issues and it sure as hell isn’t letting me forget about it as I become more and more aware of certain… _assets_.

_A little bottom-heavy, aren’t we?_

It’s not bad or anything, but…this might take some time getting used to. Current circumstances make this body mine through technicalities, so until otherwise, I have to adjust to these changes. And until that happens, I’ll just settle for wearing…

“A tracksuit?” Now _this_ looks especially well-worn and not in any way new. And I don’t mean that in a bad way, like holes and tears but more like…faded in color from being washed often. The color is still there, mostly a muted red color by now. Its size also seemed a bit too big on this body, but…I can sense a certain amount of comfort I feel from it.

_Is that you, Nao?_

I’m guessing she’s not completely MIA as I originally thought. Huh…I should try to keep an eye on that.

…

…

It didn’t take me that long to change into the tracksuit, although I could’ve done without Shakespeare’s commentary the instant I got out of the room.

“Really, Master?” He looked so disappointed, as though he was expecting better.

“You ain’t the boss of me.” I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be the one giving orders here, but I don’t feel like testing my luck against Shakespeare. The less fuel I give him, the absolute better chances I have of actually surviving this ordeal.

_We’re in it for the long run—no death flags, please._

“I can’t argue with that.” Shakespeare chuckled. “Are you ready to leave?”

“No.” There’s this intense urge I have to curl up in bed and stay there for the rest of the day… “But I’ll still leave anyways.”

I slipped on the pair of sneakers that were by the entrance. Somehow, I managed to miss them earlier when I tried leaving the mansion. I…have no words to say over my mistakes. I am a mess of an adult who barely knows how to function. A part of me wants to blame it on whatever the fuck is going on between me and the original owner of this body, but it can’t _all_ be blamed on that, can it?

_Hard to say when there’s so many variables to consider._

Regardless, mistakes were made and I’m only fortunate that it didn’t cost me my life. “Okay, let’s try not to get sidetracked.”

I’ve only just opened the door and I’m already feeling sick to my stomach from the anxiety bubbling up within me.

“Are you fine, Master?” Shakespeare asks me.

“Ignore it!” We are doing this right now before I like die of starvation or something. I doubt I’ll actually die so soon from that, but I don’t exactly like the feeling of hunger—it feels bad, man.

_So very, very bad…_

I try my best to keep a close eye on where home is, because it occurs to me, just as Shakespeare and I leave the gated premises, that I have no idea where in the hell we are. My sources say that we’re in Fuyuki, Japan and by sources, I mean myself.

_This **is** where the Holy Grail War is supposed to take place…_

So Fuyuki, huh? It looks…nice? I mean, it’s definitely not on fire, like in _Fate/Grand Order_ , so that’s something. Still, I know next to nothing about the actual geography on this place, on account that the anime has limitations of what it can show and my memory ain’t good when it comes to knowing where places are unless I’ve been there myself.

“Shakespeare, how good is your memory?” I need a favor to ask.

“I’d say it’s decent enough—why?” Please stop reading out of that book and actually pay attention.

“Keep an eye on our surroundings so I know how to get back home.” It’s gonna be a fucking nightmare if I can’t even get back to the only place that I feel remotely safe in…

There’s like so many Western-styled houses in the area, which makes it harder for me to pick mine out of the bunch from memory. It’s going to be long, and gradual process of getting a good grasp of my surroundings… Of course, there’s only so much I can do today without feeling like I’m gonna hurl.

_You can go fuck off, anxiety!_

It makes the process of getting out of this housing district a lot harder than it probably should have been. I felt my heart nearly stop each time we walked by a person, because it always felt like they were _staring_.

_It’s probably because of **him**._

Thinking of it now, I should definitely do something about Shakespeare’s clothes if we want to avoid any unwanted attention…which means we gotta go shopping _again_.

“Hhh…” Urge. To scream. _Rising_. “We need a map.”

“I’ll be sure to look for one at our destination.” It almost pisses me off at how easily Shakespeare can smile while I’m wallowing in an endless sea of anxiety.

_Th-Thump, th-thump!_

_Th-Thump, th-thump!_

_Be still, my heart!_

It feels like it’s going to explode from how hard it’s beating… “Wait a second.”

I immediately stopped in my tracks, catching Shakespeare completely by surprised. Before he can even ask what’s wrong, I blurted out, “I don’t have any money!!”

How the hell am I going to buy anything like this?! I might as well have just stayed at home if this is how it was going to go!

“If that’s what you’re worried about, then I have it handled.” Without much warning, Shakespeare pulls out a coral pink wallet from an inner pocket in his coat. “I found it in the washroom while I was investigating your home.”

“I don’t know if I should be creeped out by that, or thankful that you did that.” Because I sure as hell wouldn’t have known where to even look for it. “Alright, let’s see how much I have.”

I took the wallet from Shakespeare and opened it up. Not surprisingly, I found a moderately-sized stack of Japanese yen banknotes inside. The broke-ass college student inside of me almost wanted to cry at how much money was inside.

_That’s a lot of instant ramen…_

_Ohh_ , the stuff I would buy with this money, had I not been thrown back fifteen years into the past…

_Why does it have to be 2004?!_

“Are you crying, Master?”

“Yes…yes, I am.”

…

…

It takes us more than an hour to find anything that remotely looks like a convenience store. It definitely didn’t help that most of the time we wasted was just navigating our way through a housing district. There are a _lot_ of houses here and I know next to nothing about the layout of this area…

It also didn’t help that Shakespeare was taking his sweet time just writing things down in his book with a quill pen—where did he even get that?!

_Focus, Nao!_

“What are you even doing?” I finally found the energy to ask him.

“Making a record of our surroundings—isn’t that what you asked me to do?” Shakespeare looked away from his book, his gaze now focused on me. “Even though I’d prefer not to waste anything on such tedious details, I’m never one to turn down a request from a lady.”

“That’s a load of bull and you know it.” I don’t trust you with phrases like that.

“Not one for flattery, are you?” Shakespeare frowned. “Though, I suppose it’s a bit of a stretch to call someone like you a lady.”

“You got a problem with that?” Boy, if you don’t keep your mouth shut, I’m gonna smack you.

“Not really—I find your lack of etiquette quite refreshing!” I don’t know if I should be insulted or actually flattered.

“You’re one confusing motherfucker.” It’s making my head spin.

_Although, that could just be the hunger…_

Hhhh, how long has it actually been since this body has eaten anything?! “Alright—I’m going in!”

I ignored every fiber of my being that was screaming at me to go home instead of entering the convenience store. Beads of sweat rolled down the sides of my face as I grabbed a basket off the stack by the entrance. Heat rushed to my cheeks as I received a greeting from the person standing at the register.

“H-H-H…” My voice died in my throat, so I just nodded my head and went on my way. Shakespeare followed after me, though he soon went his own separate way in the opposite direction I was heading. I don’t know the layout of Japanese convenient stores, but in my mind, there should be an area dedicated to having premade meals.

And I was right. It didn’t take me long to find the onigiri and bento boxes. They were right by the dairy products, which I quickly glanced over and grabbed a few cans of coffee milk. I don’t know if I should be trusted with caffeinated products when I’m such a nervous wreck, but coffee milk is literally the only thing I recognize at the moment that I _know_ I like.

_I’ll grab a few more…maybe ten—twelve!_

I think I might be overdoing it, but I have money, and this is literally the _highlight_ of my day. I’ll definitely be regretting this later on, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

_Food, food, food, food…_

Focus on food—focus on food! It can’t all just be coffee milk!

“Onigiri…” I scanned through the rows of onigiri lining the shelves. I kept a close eye over the fillings each one had, keying in only on the ones that I recognized that I would like. After practically emptying out the columns of onigiri with certain fillings, I moved onto the bento boxes. The basket was getting really heavy, but I didn’t care much for it.

 

 

That’s when Shakespeare showed up with two, six-pack cans of beer. “Have you seen how much of these that they’re selling?!”

“I think that’s normal?” It might just be Shakespeare reacting to things in person. Didn’t take him for the type to drink, but I guess that just shows how little I actually know about him. “D-D-D-Don’t put it—”

I nearly dropped the basket in my hands when Shakespeare set the pack of beer on top of all the food and cans of coffee milk that were inside.

“Hhhh!” I feel…so weak…just trying to support all this weight.

_Ahhhh!_

“Oh—pardon me.” Shakespeare immediately corrected his actions and removed the pack of beer. “I guess I’ll carry these.”

There was a faint burning in my arms, likely from the strain that came from carrying so much weight. Despite this, I still managed to say, “It’s fine.”

_It’s not fine…_

“Let’s just go…” The sooner we can get this shit into bags, the better… “Wait—Servants eat, right?”

“It’s not required, but yes—we do,” Shakespeare replied.

“Hhhh…” I should probably double down on food for this occasion, though to be certain… “Let me rephrase that—do you _want_ to eat?”

Shakespeare blinked a few times. “Pardon?”

“I’m asking if you want to eat—ignoring whether or not you need to eat.” Look, I’m not a fan of our current contract on account of how it pretty much just dragged me into this fucking mess of a Holy Grail War (which has, thankfully, not started…at least, I hope it hasn’t). That doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about Shakespeare. Sure, he’s not the best Servant around, but right now… he’s all I have. “If you want to drink, then you should want to eat…right?”

Shakespeare blinked again, and then nodded his head. “Right.”

“Okay, so…I’m just…gonna go get another basket.” I made my way back to the entrance, leaving the basket I already had at the counter with the cashier. I had Shakespeare wait at the counter while I was getting more food. I’m not sure what Shakespeare liked, so I got at least one of everything. I also grabbed some snacks on my way back before finally setting the second basket on the counter with the other basket. “D-Done…”

It took a lot less effort to talk to the cashier, who was a young man around my age. He gave me a small smile before scanning and bagging the items inside the baskets.

“Someone you know?” he asked me, as though he knew me.

“Hhh…!” It didn’t occur to me that maybe this guy might’ve known the original owner of this body. “F-F-Friend…”

“Ahh…friend of your parents, I take it?” Please stop talking to me—you’re making me hella anxious and I don’t like it. “Can I recommend a map of the area, since it seems that you’re new to the area?”

“I would appreciate that!” Shakespeare smiled in delight, taking the conversation completely in stride while I suffered in silence.

I averted my gaze as these two started talking to each other, with Shakespeare asking questions that were pretty relevant to our situation—that being that we knew jack shit about our surroundings. I froze still when I heard the cashier whisper something to Shakespeare. I couldn’t hear it all, but I could make out the term, “Hikki-NEET.”

I think…he was referring to me.

_I guess…that does make a lot of sense._

Why I had so many urges to go back inside instead of outside… The anxiety and lack of social skills—actually, that’s not much different from how I usually am. I guess the real difference would be the severity of it.

_As if things weren’t already hard enough…_

Sighing, I paid the cashier when he was done ringing everything up. I grabbed as many bags as I could handle, leaving the rest up to Shakespeare, who stayed behind to say a few more words to the cashier. Considering our current circumstances, it was probably about the map that the cashier picked out for us.

_How convenient…_

Guess that’s what makes this a convenient store.

…

…

I’ll see myself out the door— “Oomph!”

I bumped right into someone as I was leaving the store. For a brief moment, my face was in someone’s chest. I reacted immediately to the sudden physical contact and distanced myself.

_Th-Thump th-thump! Th-Thump, th-thump!_

I swallowed a ragged breath and tried my best to remain calm. Heat flared up in my cheeks when I heard laughter coming from the person I had bumped into. It wasn’t doing me any favors and when I tried to mutter out an apology, I couldn’t stop stuttering.

“S-S-S-S…” I trailed off when I noticed what the person was wearing. There was something so…familiar about that particular shade of brown. Slowly, I tilted my head upwards, taking note of whom it was that I had bumped into.

From what I could see, the person was a teenaged boy. He was dressed in a drab-looking school uniform that I know I’ve seen before.

_Homurahara Academy—that’s what the school’s called, yeah?_

That’s where Rin and Shirou go to school… So this guy must be— “Hhhhhh!!”

My heart almost stopped beating right there and then when I finally got a good look at the boy’s face. There was something so **punchable** about it—framed by that distinctive seaweed-like blue hair…

_Oh god whyyyyyy?!?!_

“See something you like?” said the boy with the seaweed-styled hair, likely in an attempt to flirt with me. He was wearing a smile that _could_ be considered charismatic, but I know what’s beyond that front and it’s anything _but_ that!

_Get the fuck away from me!_

I shrieked loudly in terror and swung one of my bags into Matou Shinji’s gut. He screamed out in pain, his arms instinctively wrapping around his stomach. In my panic, I momentarily forgot about the contents within the plastic bags I held in my hands… Not that I really cared about it, because I wanted to get the _fuck_ away from this guy as soon as possible.

I ran off as far away as I could from the convenient store, leaving behind Shakespeare in my haste. That didn’t really occur to me until long after the convenient store was out of my sight. By then, it was too late.

_God…dammit…_

I wanted to cry. Instead, I just sat down on a curb and stared rummaging through a shopping bag for a can of coffee milk. My expression when blank when I saw that I had taken the bags containing Shakespeare’s stuff, of which included his cans of beer.

“Lovely…just _lovely_ …” I hate beer—I _really_ hate it. It tastes nasty and gross and I can’t believe I’m actually popping open a can. “Uuugh…”

I stared at the open can, wondering why I was going to do this to myself. Thinking back on all the shit I’ve been through today, I decided that everything can go fuck itself. I brought the can to my lips and chugged down a considerable amount of its bubbly liquid.

_Oh god, it’s so gross!!_

I forced myself to swallow, shuddering afterwards in disgust. I felt like throwing up. Instead, I just reached into the bag and pulled out an onigiri. I didn’t pay much attention to its filling and just unwrapped the cellophane covering it. From there, I started eating, taking very hesitant sips from the can of beer every so often as I waited for Shakespeare to come and find me.

_I’m sure he’ll find me…_

_I hope he does…_

* * *

…

…

Shakespeare is most definitely entertained. A wide smile crosses his expression as he watches the poor boy that was on the receiving end of his Master’s violent actions. The man behind the counter only shakes his head in disapproval, not really showing much sympathy towards the boy.

“You startled the hikki-NEET,” he says, as though it was entirely the boy’s fault.

It might be, though that doesn’t change the fact that his Master just ran off without him…

“I’ll be taking my leave,” he tells the man behind the counter. “It’s best if I go find her before she gets herself lost.”

“Take care, and please come again!” The man behind the counter smiles at Shakespeare. He’s not that bad of a person—that’s for sure. Though he doesn’t know Nao personally, he does know her from the interactions that they have had since he started working at this convenient store.

He’s picked up on a few of her habits, as well as some gossip he’s overheard from people. She rarely leaves her home and when she does, she’s always alone. That is why it surprised him to see her walk into the store with someone for a change.

_“Please don’t mistake my concern for some sort of obsession. I’m just a little worried about her, since she’s a hikki-NEET.”_

The man has understandable concerns, though Shakespeare thinks that there might be more to it as well. He keeps that to himself, deciding that if he ever wanted to do something about it, then he’d save it for later. He walks by the blue-haired boy, who is only just starting to recover. Had his Master been any stronger, then maybe Shakespeare would’ve shown the boy some more concern…maybe.

His Master takes priority, after all. She might not be the most interesting-looking person around, with her face mostly covered by her brown hair, but there’s a certain charm to her that Shakespeare cannot ignore. For that reason, he considers her an investment of sorts.

He walks in the direction that he’s seen her run toward, hoping that she hasn’t already gotten herself lost.

She hasn’t…he finds her sitting on a curb, with at least two empty cans of beer by her feet as she stuffs her face with another rice ball.

“Hhheeyyyy!” she waves at him, her face somewhat flushed from the alcohol and her mouth full of rice. “What took you so looooong??”

“I think you’ve had enough to drink.” Shakespeare immediately removes the can of beer in Nao’s hand that she had been planning on opening.

“Beer is nasty—naaaaasty.” She sticks her tongue out at him. “Why you drink it?”

“I suppose it might be a difference in taste.” It might also be a difference in tolerance, as Shakespeare can already tell that his Master is a complete lightweight. “Let’s go home, shall we?”

“Okaaayyyyy!” She swallows the food in her mouth and then wipes her hands on her clothes. “Let’s goooo!!”

“You have to get up first.” Shakespeare chuckles, finding his Master’s drunken behavior almost endearing. _“Let’s not make a habit of this.”_

…

Shakespeare finds out, as he leads his Master back to her home, that Nao is a lot chattier when intoxicated. It’s a different type of chatty—she’s not hesitating to talk to him on any level. She’s as open as can be, which is something he’d consider an improvement, had she not been drunk.

“I’d prefer it if you were this talkative when sober.” Although, he supposes things could be worse.

“Heyyy—that guy called me a Hikki-NEET.” She points at him, her expression of languid annoyance. “Amm I one??”

“I wouldn’t know what that is.” From what Shakespeare gathered, it likely had to do with her refusal to leave home.

“It means I don’t work…or go to schoolll…or training?” She pauses for a moment, seemingly confused with her train of thought. “Not in…em…emm…emeducation…yesh—thas it!”

Shakespeare watches in amusement as his Master starts laughing. She’s so easily amused…

“Having fun?” he asks her, not really expecting much a response.

“Not really—I’m still not used to this body.” Nao puffs up her cheeks in annoyance. “’s weird… _everything_ is weird. I’m not supposed to be here—are you supposed to be here? I think you might, but I don’t really knowww…”

She continues rambling, blissfully unaware of the confusion she’s caused Shakespeare.

_“Just what exactly does she mean by that?”_ Shakespeare doesn’t even know where to begin. He wonders if it might be the memory loss he accidentally induced…then he asks himself, _“Did she **really** lose her memories?”_

That’s when he starts to reconsider everything, from the way she’s been acting to her recent cryptic ramblings.

_“Why…wouldn’t she be used to her own body…?”_ Slowly, it begins to dawn on him that he might have made a mistake in his attempts to help his Master. He scoffs at first at the thought, but then he asks Nao a simple question—one that she should _definitely_ know the answer to. “How old are you, Master?”

“Twenty-four!” Nao laughs out loud, as though she’s said something funny. “How old are _yoouuuu_?”

“Aren’t you rude?” Shakespeare forces a smile, ignoring the unease he feels from his Master’s response. “Master…who _are_ you?”

When Shakespeare receives a name that doesn’t match up with anything that he knows, that’s when he realizes his biggest mistake. It wasn’t that his Master’s memories were missing…it was that his Master was a completely different person.

_“You really aren’t the person who summoned me…”_ Though the body is still that of Fujisaki Nao, the soul is of someone else entirely.

…

…

It hasn’t been that long since they arrived at the mansion. With the food put away and nothing much else to do, Nao had allowed herself to pass out on the couch. Shakespeare sits in the couch across from her, his gaze completely focused on his unconscious Master as he takes a long drink from his can of beer. There is so much that is wrong with their situation…

And yet, a part of him cannot ignore the endless possibilities that could come from this. It could mean an immediate end to their partnership…or it could mean so much more.

_“There is only one way to find out…”_ And Shakespeare decides that he’ll make the most of their situation. A wide grin crosses his face as he recalls today’s events. Though Nao is still too timid for his liking, he can at least confirm that she is not a complete pushover.

Setting his can down on a nearby table, Shakespeare pulls out a quill and starts scribbling down a few notes in his book. If he and his Master wish to get through the Holy Grail War, then they must first set the stage. Where the future will take them, Shakespeare does not know…but he at least hopes for an ending that is satisfactory in some way—one that at least accommodates to the mistakes he has made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all, just here to drop off chapter two!!! I’m currently out for the summer, but I DO have summer classes—thankfully, it’s just one class, though it IS organic chemistry.
> 
> Still, it SHOULD be a lot easier for me to get through it without much issues, so…here’s to hoping for a productive summer when it comes to this fic and many others!
> 
> So like…yeah! Shakespeare is to blame for the SI getting thrown into Nao’s body (Nao, who is still in there and making things even worse for our SI, since it’s just mixing one set of mental health issues with another set). Of course, he wasn’t aware of it at first until she got drunk and started rambling about things that didn’t match up with what he knew. So basically, Shakespeare fucked up…but he’s gonna make the most of it. Fear for our poor hikki-NEET (short for hikikomori NEET for those not in the know of certain terms).
> 
> I still won’t go into depth about the typo that started it all, but I do hope you guys are enjoying this fic nonetheless. My current _Fate/Stay Night_ visual novel progress is that I have achieved the first bad end while I was drugged out by the sedatives that knocked me out for my endoscopy on that day and then proceeded to avoid what I THOUGHT would be a bad end and progressed to like…the next day.
> 
> STILL on the Fate route, so no spoilers! But damn, me and the BnB gang have been having a riot with this readthrough, since it creates so many jokes, my favorite being from my friend, Benven, “While I look away, can you just die?”
> 
> Others being, “We need to get rid of the evidence. We can't have people talking about this shit. We can't let them know we live here!"
> 
> "Haha, I'm in **danger**!"
> 
> "I CAN'T MOP UP THE BLOOD FAST ENOUGH, DO SOMETHING SHAKESPEARE!"
> 
> Tipsy me is a riot and at one point, I like astral projected and thought I was Shirou, so I blurted out, “Let me go out in booty shorts.” And then promptly forgot what I said, so I had to ask my friends if I said anything.
> 
> So far, I got the first three videos up of my readthrough on my YouTube channel, **KlonoaDreams** , so if you’re interested in seeing a completely unprofessional reading of Fate/Stay Night with constant distractions and ramblings…[then here you go](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5i_wUXYIo3Zpw4NtTU4VVBiPxIoyJJfs)!!
> 
> That’s about all I have for now, but I do hope you enjoyed this chapter! We’re just getting started, after all!
> 
> Until next time, everyone!


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